Faking the Orgasm that is Life

What an awesome title. Read it again. Real slow. Yeah. Fake touch yourself. That's right. You fake like that? OK. Fake calm down.

I imagine that the first step to getting where you want to be is to know where you are now. You need to analyze your drafting table before designing the rocket ship that carries you to the moon of your dreams (nice metaphor! Do people beat the shit out of you before or after you show them your unicorn figurine menagerie?). Well, not just the drafting table. You need to know your tools, too. And who's on staff. And what the overhead costs are. And you probably need to major in aerospace engineering. Look. I'm not really sure how apt this metaphor is, but one thing is for sure... I cannot design a vehicle that propels me into space. But I can start with what I've got, for good and for ill:

LISTS!

1.) I have a job. It's a crappy job. It doesn't pay well. I have to wear clothes for it. But it's a job and that's a good thing. It might be a sad job, but I'm better off than those without one and that's a plus. I will bitch about my job in another post. Oh, I can't wait!

2.) I have a support system. I have an awesome girlfriend (who encouraged me to start this blog) and friends who think I'm a sweetie-cool-dude and want me to succeed. I have a supportive (though slightly unbalanced) family. No one is trying to assassinate me as far as a I can tell. Another plus.

3.) I have a good juicy chunk of debt. I've got $14,000+ in college loans I owe (which I'm waaay behind in paying), over $7,000 in credit card debt, and I'm behind on some bills. I don't make enough to cover all my monthly costs. Food and rent come first; the rest I get to when I can. This is my primary worry.

4.) I have a nice apartment and I'm lucky it's as cheap as it is. The problem is, I can't buy stuff to improve it. My girlfriend gets most of the things we sit on and eat off of and I feel guilty about it. But I bought some sponges the other day! Dishes will get done! So it all evens out.

5.) I'm a charming young man and I can prove it by being delightful when the time is right.

6.) I have a certain amount of confidence in my abilities, but an incredible amount of fear continues to pervade. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of getting yelled at, and even fear of success. I've got to work through that fear.

7.) I have a list. The list I just made.

LISTS!

That is my jumping off point. More will be revealed as I unravel myself... like a rocket ship unraveling on its way to the moon that was drafted... the hell with it. Stay tuned for more LISTS!

Get in this. There's still time.