To Yes or to No

I have a feeling I'm going to be offered that job I don't want. They called me while I was at work. They've been checking my references. I have to call them back.

I can't shake the feeling of guilt that comes from knowing I'm going to decline it. I have trouble saying "no." It's a lifelong problem I've developed. Whenever something is offered, I tend to automatically say "yes" to it. I'm unsure why, but when I say "no" to things, I feel awkward and ungrateful. I think I might also have a fear of regret. I don't want to kick myself for not taking up an opportunity that comes my way.

Basically this job would entail me getting bossed around by two intense doctors. I'm uneasy about the environment I'd be getting myself into. I'm a laid back guy. During my first interview, I had the sense this wouldn't be up my alley. During the second interview, it grew stronger. I know I don't want it.

But I'm nervous about passing something up that will pay really well and give me awesome benefits. And I really want to bust out of my current employment.

But I've met so many unhappy people who chose the shitty job that pays well. In no way do I want to embrace that. I'm not a golden handcuff sort of chap. Not when it comes down to it.

So I'll call them and hope like hell they just want to tell me to buzz off over the phone. But I doubt it. I gotta man up and deliver a thin-crust large "no" with shrooms and extra tomato.