Ode to a Fat Man

From his pancake feet

To his meatsock ankles

Rising up along his mushroomed thighs

Each leg as thick as a bale of hay

Supporting a buttery pelvis

His stomach overhanging

Like a dead, ballooning elephant seal festering on the beach

To his surprisingly concave chest

To his frothy shoulders

Wielding omelet-filled arms

Ending in micro waved kielbasa fingers

Unable to scratch his own filthy, padded back

Or his sandbag turret of a neck

Supporting a head like the moon

With bulbous ears, nose and eyes

Suffocating within melting facial flesh

To his margarine lips

Which –

If they kissed you

Would slurp and bubble as a bog would

From all these things that I have gazed upon

In wondrous horror

This was indeed –

The Fattest Man I ever saw…

That fat man… He was so fat.

Post Script: I wrote this poem a while back in honor of a very large co-worker I knew. I hold no grudge against the obese, but this guy had an unpleasant personality. Therefore, excuse my desire to share in the delight of wordplay at one fat man's expense.